That Lazy SOB

So we went to the head shrinker. Filled out all the nasty forms and such. He didn't have much to say... that would be way way to public. After listening to what I had to say and listening to him prattle on and on she basically told us our issues weren't as big as we thought... and that basically we didn't know each other that well. And she will see us in three weeks. Then she gave us an assignment (along with telling us to go to a communication class). She said things needed to cool off. And that we were to write down 5-10 things that make us feel loved. Exchange lists and then do the things on the list. With a warning that the things were supposed to be small thing, do able things. And that not to put things on the list like "make me happy". Immediately there after I took off on a weekend vacation. It was sooooo great. I love it. I love the space and I love being out in the woods etc. After some time away I get to thinking that things aren't so bad... etc. etc. And have quite the hard time coming up with 10 things. I think I made it to 5 things. I worked hard to make sure they were the things that made me happy that weren't to complicated... like sex or things that took a lot of money, effort or time. And I kept it to things that were simple and direct (i.e. 10 min foot rub). I was expecting the same from him. WOW. I severely overestimated the big ole brain on mr 100k+ PhD. Yes I did.

The lazy twat wrote and I quote "be nice to me" , "surprise me", "be affectionate". He got one specific thing out of the 10 things he wrote. And he wrote all these things I "couldn't" do. Like say mean things. But I could tell that in the whole time he wrote it he never once thought about the person who had to do it. Now the counselor did say... "write something honest not what you think your partner wants to hear" but for christs sake I feel like he wrote it specifically to sabotage me. In his head I can never be a bitch or not affectionate, now. Or when I am not feeling affectionate or I am feeling angry with him I get to suppress it all cause it it says on his list "be nice". Well I am not a fucking nice person!!! After 3+ years you would think that someone who can explain different molecules would figure that out. Oh, not to mention I told him that about me right from the start. Did he think I was lying? I am not nice. I am fun, passionate, kind, generous, adventurous, honest, creative, and supportive. But nice I am not. If I am angry you will know it. I will tell the truth even when it might hurt. And I am a bit thick skinned... not insensitive mind you... I just am not going to show everyone and sundry what is going down with me. Now the next appointment isn't for 3 fricking weeks. 3 weeks of him getting his way and being a big ole lazy baby. We need to work on this more frequently or I need to go. Yup. I do. I want more vacation. Yes I do.

The YoYo...

This is a chronological place holder till I get home tonight... cause I left a few files there.

Little Boys

I will post this entry tonight. I am at work now and am using this post as a place holder so the chronological order is maintained. And I left what I wrote at home... duh.