rolla-coaster

Sad. Blue. Bummed. Horny. Lonely. Tired. Right handed.

So I have been harshed in my last several one-on-one's. Including being told my co-worker bitch about me behind my back. Mmmmmm. What a way to inspire me to trust others. How nice. Apparentally high performance not only doesn't count - it counts against me. So I get offered a couple of communication classes (she picked them) and was asked which one I wanted to take. I responded with they were both good and I would take whichever one was good for the business. To which I got this reply:

"[me],
Please, the decision is yours.
[her]"

I kinda took it as sarcastic and bitchy. So I picked one, told her the cost (big bank) but I figured she was the boss and she wasn't gonna put a class in front of me that she didn't want me to take. Silly me. I feel utterly set up to fail. Like here, pick one of these classes, do it now... psych! One was a trick choice and now you are screwed. And the message is that I am not worth it.

I just feel utterly de-motivated. And I didn't feel like that before I spoke with her. I was tired but pretty up beat. Grr...

On the up side I am down to 224! Yah!!!!

I have had a bit of a Protein shake today and not much else. my goal is to be down to 214 by the 11th. Which gives me 12 days.

a memo

hey... change the title bar text on all your pages for bsp.com you dork. And redo your artist statement with what reese wrote. And put together a pimping kit. While you are at it research frames for the 24 x 36 big red mess and the 30 x 30 piece... or research how to make a cool distressed steel frame - oh and see if you can buy a decent used palm sander.

love yourself