Dichotomy vs Congnative Dissonance

I am deeply sad and lonely. To the point of wonder what it is all worth and trying to see a fulfilling future for myself. I am so sad that I cannot have the relief and release I get from bulimia without destroying myself. I am just sad that I cannot have relief and release. It feel like when I was very young and I couldn't have what I saw those around me having... love and attention from my parents. Protection from harm. Food, toys and cloths. And I feel horrible about myself. I feel ugly and unlovable/ weak and stupid. And like all these feelings are crushing me.

When I look at the bigger picture outside my loneliness and self loathing I have a good life. I come from welfare, hard-core drug addiction and homelessness. And I have an apartment I am managing to hold on to. My kids are doing okay. I live in a pretty part of the world. I have a job, a computer and a car. My friends and community are just wonderful.

I am very lucky and privileged and profoundly sad and in desperate need of help and support. Both things are true at the same time.