measurements

done loosely with a set of headphones and a ruler. Dressed.

waist 41
hip 53
under bust 43
bust 50

Measurements for waist cincher project
waist 4
under bust 43
just above hip 48
just under rib cage 40.5
process to just under bb 14.5

Underbust 43
True waist 41
Hips/widest part thereof 53
True waist to hip 6.25
Underarm to true waist 12.25
How long you want the front of the corset to be 13

just to get up that hill

a line which should be proceeded by "a whole lot of tryin'"

So I am doin' a bit better today. Still in a bit of a financial mish-mash. Have ton's to do at work. and the house isn't a sty. Got a call from berkeley pd as YK was caught on the street smoking in freezing whether with no sweatshirt by an off duty officer who was really really nice.

I also got my yearly "it isn't his fault" passive aggressive letter from my ex mother in law. biotch.

I finally have a hook on what to get the kiddo's fr christmas...

YK gets:

• wheels and bearings
• black sheets
• black painted room furniture
• xmas pj's
• a hat
• socks
• gloves 

YK gets:

• underwear 
• sock
• gloves (good ones)
• a hat (a good one)
• 3 months of YMCA
• Maybe a coat 
• x-mas pj's 

I am gonna get myself something nice.
I am gonna make Jack, Kaleal, Adam and Tom some scarfy pressy's.
I need to bring in the cookies for the work folk tomorrow.

I am going to do laundry. Call lu back. Make a coffee date. And make myself something cut to wear for x-mas eve.  Maybe a dress or skirt from the red fabric which needs to get washed.

So I have been treating my self like shit

I am not taking care of myself. I have been eating things that hurt me, not setting my self up for good habits, spending money I shouldn't without thinking, not drinking or exercising enough, setting myself up for rejection, being a flake and beating myself up for it. Just general low spirally crap.

I am the only person responsible for taking care of me. While I am lonely am just fine being alone. I want to care about someone and I want someone in my life who cares about me in a truly connected way. I am a good person. A generous person. I deserve to love and be loved. I need to stop being candy ass about it and do a much better job of loving myself. That doesn't mean putting a bunch of goals down and feeling bad about it when I fail. To feel good I need to exercise, paint, be a better parent, and meet people to care about. To feel good I need to take better care of my body, my home and my spirit. I have everything I need to be happy. I want to find someone to share with and listen to.

Let's start with some small goals for today.

Call the school
Call Kiaser
Call Lu
Get money into the account

fucked up wed

It seems that all I ever do here is complain.

I didn't eat the stale lemon bread... compulsive eating avoided
My hair cut is bad, I dropped 4 things already, I forgot stuff to work on at home, I feel ugly and way way fat, my chair broke, I am more crabby than can be and my feelings got really hurt.

There was a call for participants in an art show. I stepped up and was seemingly accepted. So I went to work producing for it. Working really really hard in fact. Investing actually money and pulling resources from my friend base and everything. The promotional materials came out and I was the only one left off. And I am super hurt and offended. What the fuck??!!@#$%^^&**(

If I don't hear back by today about it I am gonna just bow out and fuck them... I will find another group to play with. I will take great picks and post my stuff on Esty and Craftster et all and they can just bite me.