I am beginning to resent him and dislike his presence. The "he" in question is my 11 year old son. My 11 year old who in the last 5 days has lied to me more times than I can count, stolen money from my new housemate* and skipped school. He is wrecking things for everyone. He is destroying everything I worked for - for him, for his brother. And I don't know how to make him stop. I have sent him to behavior modification. I have tried to get him mental health care only to have the provider I set up stop taking my calls. That is turning out to be a nightmare because I would have to take off work SUPER early twice a week, get him for counseling and then go. I don't even have the 20.00 co-pay right now. Fucking A.

I am so upset and sad. And he is just breaking my heart. I really question if he is just a bad selfish person. If that is who he is choosing to be. I mean I am working so hard on all of this and it is going nowhere. He just doesn't get it. He is sabotaging everything.

I must be the most horrid of parents. He went away for boot-camp and I missed him. I really did. I was so eager (and afraid) as his return got closer and closer. But there in the middle I felt like I could breath. Like I could finally breath. At the time I was scrambling like to hell to find the $1,200 it took to send him there. And trying to figure out my own head. But I had time and space and felt just for a bit like I wasn't being pummelled — both literally and figuratively.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't trust him. Any minuet now he is going to do something else horrible and it is going to destroy this life I am trying to keep afloat just a bit more. His constant immoral behavior is making so I will end up homeless... he will end up homeless. This is just crazy. And I am alone in it all. Ever so desperately alone.

I have a way to trade for a weekend at Pittsburg youth academy - But no way to get him there. And he will fight me, physically. I am afraid to drive with him. Scared he will cause an accident.

I am hoping a good nights sleep will make things more clear.


* I gave up my bedroom in order to make some money. So now I share a room with a child and rent it out to people. I though I had a safe and welcoming home when I gave me references to Paul, the french dude from la rochelle. Who is really nice btw and doesn't want me to call him on it.