Fear losing control and totall backsliding

Fuck.

So now we are three days straight of not being on the wagon. Admittedly I am pretty down but really more just anxious about the car sit. I MUST fix it. No matter the cost. I really need my life back.

I made art last night. Almost to the glory part of the corset mock up.

Need to redesign the under bust for the army shirt. Need a combo tactical/formal look. Wish I could work on crafty crap all day today.

I did a good thing going to the gym yesterday. I will go to the gym today. Even though the very though is icky icky icky. I feel like a fat lump of nothing. So disgusting. Maybe I will go at 11... the fewer people the better.

I just want to crawl out of my skin. I feel like a stranger.

Grrr.

Back up to 244 in three seconds or less.

I suck.