JoCo Friday

1 diet coke
12 almonds 2.5g

burrito bowl 6g

11 g left for the day.

Oh,  and I am down to 241 since last thrusday. That is 10 lbs this week despite my juice binge on wed. night.

Nutrition Facts
Amount Per Serving
Calories 565	Cal from Fat 350
% Daily Value*
Total Fat 38g	58%
Saturated Fat 16g 80% Trans Fat 0g
Cholesterol 135mg	45%
Sodium 720mg	30%
Total Carbs 12g	4%
Dietary Fiber 6g 24% Sugars 4g
Protein 42g
Vitamin A 0% • Vitamin C 0% Calcium 0% • Iron 0%
* Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.
INGREDIENTS: Steak (4oz),Cheese,Sour Cream,Guacamole (4oz),Lettuce

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dead day

8 oz suasage 3g.
20 hour nap

maybe or maybe not

There is something about getting on the scale nine times and then taking the best weight that seems like cheating. The number it gave me most was 245 so I am stickin to it


1 cup a joe 1g
1 piece of mutant pie 2.7
1 diet coke 0g
1 piece of mutant pie 2.7

8 oz of pinapple juice for like 30 fricking grams of carbs

245 Dude that is a pound a day

A frickin' pound a day.


anyhow,


1 quarter piece of mutant for breakfast 1g
cup a joe 1g

1 whole piece of mutant for lunh 2. something grams

1 piece cheese cake snack

8 oz of sole, with a tiny tiny bit of lime juice

wow do I need to drink more water


35 min of the most fucked up aerobic kickboxing work out ever. 

Spinach Quiche Suffle Hybrid

1/3 cup Parmesan, grated  1.6g
1 cup sharp cheddar (unpacked) 0g
2 cups jack shredded (unpacked)  1.6g
1 cup mexican shredded cheese (unpacked) 1g
1 medium onion 5.5g
1 bunch green onions, finely chopped 3g
9 oz fresh baby spinach, finely chopped 4g
1/4th tsp garlic salt
1 tbl crushed dry rosemary
1 tsp dry basil
1 tsp sea salt
pepper
3 cups cream 0g
12 eggs 3.6
1 mushroom (portabello) 2g

22.3 total / 8 servings = 2.75g per serving. Fucking A

first cook down the yellow onion on low until transparent with brown edges, then saute the mushroom, set aside to cool. Over medium heat wilt (but don't cook the spinach) set aside to cool.Separate the eggs, making sure not to get any yolk in the white and the beat the whites to stiff peaks and set aside. Mix herbs, salt, egg yolks and cream until very, very smooth. Fold in veggies until smooth and completely mixed. Add in shredded cheese, mix thuroughly. Fold in egg white until completely and evenly mixes. Bake in a 350 degree oven for 25 min in a cassarole pan. Cover with foil. Turn off oven and let stand for another 20 min.  fluffy yumm. I hope.

Beginning Day 5

246 lbs

Started at 251.

So pretty much a pound a day. Not that I want to get my hopes up out of proportion but that means that I could lose 60lbs in 3 months  or less and break 200. That would be so so so cool. Like really cool. Like size 16 cool. Mega fantastic. I want it. I want it bad. I worked out 4 times last week. Tues, thurs, sat, sun.

This week I wanna try some of the dance oriented classes.

1 cup of tea 1g
with cream (and I am gonna stop counting the carbs that Atkins says is in cream cause the package says it has zero, nadda, none, zippo)

TJ's Stuffed Salmon with Bay shrimp 3g

Quiche (need to calculate after I make it the per serving breakdown) 2.75g per serving

2 pieces of Cheese cake. 3.75 per serving. Too much splenda. Gotta reduce that and sub with other flavors. Want to try orange zest or lavender. Also use more cheese.

14g today

Doh! Plus midnight mutant snack ... 1 g

Semi Sunday

Semi Sunday cause tomorrow is a holiday and all.


4 eggs .3*4  =1.2g
3 oz bri cheese .3g

2 cups coffee 1.4g  1.2g

Lunch ( I don't remember what I ate. Wasn't much but we will call it 5g for the sake of things.)

Dinner
Curry shrimp

8 shrimp 2g
5 tsp coconut milk 2 g
2 tsp cooked veg 3g

15 g carbs for the fucking day....

Tempting Saturday's

So weenkends with the kiddo in town mean temptation. Delicious bready temptation. Oh, sourdough english muffin toasted to perfection dripping with butter temptation. Must go work out now.


2 eggs .6
1 oz goat cheese .3
1 oz cheddar .35
2 cups of coffee with cream  1.4 + .4 *3=2.6g

Breakfast total 3.8g

Lunch

Salmon 3 oz
Parmesean 1 oz .2g
Almonds .5 oz  2.6g

Sole
crab
cream
greenonion
cheese

8.2 carbs

Jeans are nice

So I am wearing jeans today... one's that fit properly... not too tight and not too low in the crotch. They feel good (yes I am a perv.)

Anyhow

1/4 cup almonds 2g
large cup of coffee 1g
diet drink 1g (but no calories, wtf, what the hell is in this stuff)

Nutrition Facts
Amount Per Serving
Calories 435	Cal from Fat 230
% Daily Value*
Total Fat 25g	38%
Saturated Fat 14g 70% Trans Fat 0g
Cholesterol 135mg	45%
Sodium 1000mg	42%
Total Carbs 8g	3%
Dietary Fiber 0g 0% Sugars 6g
Protein 41g
Vitamin A 0% • Vitamin C 0% Calcium 0% • Iron 0%
* Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.
INGREDIENTS: Steak (4oz),Tomato Salsa,Cheese,Sour Cream,Lettuce

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5 oz rib eye steak 0g
asparagus .5 cup 3.8g
mushrooms 1.5 cup 1.6 g

I am turning into jabba the hut.

and old decrepit version.

bfast
Protien Shake
carbs 4g
fiber 2g
protien 21g
calories 100

cup of tea
w/ h. cream .4g

Nutrition Facts
Amount Per Serving
Calories 585	Cal from Fat 350
% Daily Value*
Total Fat 38g	58%
Saturated Fat 16g 80% Trans Fat 0g
Cholesterol 135mg	45%
Sodium 1190mg	50%
Total Carbs 16g	5%
Dietary Fiber 6g 24% Sugars 7g
Protein 43g
Vitamin A 0% • Vitamin C 0% Calcium 0% • Iron 0%
* Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.
INGREDIENTS: Steak (4oz),Tomato Salsa,Cheese,Sour Cream,Guacamole (4oz),Lettuce

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5 eggs  3g
1.5 cups raw mushrooms 4.8 g
3 oz goat cheese .9 g
butter

impossible men

who only knew.

Statements get made... "you look good..."

I am thin.

I am fat.

I am sober.

I am drunk.

and still the same statement is made. Is it politness. Is is kindness?


I have a terrible crush and my jugdement is skewed. Who will ever know?

Most likely no one as I am gutless and uneducated.

and as I re-read this the writer of bad gothic poetry.

fucking impossible men.

too bad I am not fucking impossible men.

On Romance

Romance I am not having.

I can find people to beat. I can occasionally find people to fuck. I can get a coffee date. Scored a great cuddle on Halloween.

Now universe I would like all that (mostly) in one person who wants to see me on a regular basis. Grrrr. I have gonna have to get out more. I know, I know.

I am tired of being alone... and celibate. Celibate sucks.

I am crazy

I re-read yesterday's list and realized that I would have to be fuckin' super woman to get that all done in one day. Good grief...

So here is yesterday's stuff but with some tracking... what good is a list if you don't get to cross stuff off (oh, on that note I am just gonna keep editing this post till I get the fucking list done... and I will not add new stuff if I can help it):

1. Do 401k paperwork DONE
   
2. Get 401k cashiers' check DONE 10-3
   
3. Mail 401k paperwork DONE 10-3
4. Get laundry soaps DONE
   
5. Make out Rent checks
6. Take down laundry DONE 10-4 and checks
7. Clean bathroom
8. Clean kitchen DONE 10-4
9. Change sheets
10. Clean up surfaces in leaving room SEMI-DONE
    
11. Dust
12. Water
13. Label Boxes
14. Label Fabric
15. Add embelishments to green shrug (maybe black ribbon with green sweater ruffles??) DONE
    
16. Fix bodice of 50's Dress
17. Map out yardage of 50's Dress
18. Make new pair of earings DONE 10-4
19. Make new skully necklace DONE 10-4
20. Make plans with friends
21. email the tribe about the quilt

Re-list-ifacation

There is always this little voice in the back of my head telling me if I craft the perfect list I will get everything done. And if I get everything done it will make everything perfect... and happy.

So compulsively I will now create a list for today

1. Do 401k paperwork
2. Get 401k cashiers' check
3. Mail 401k paperwork
4. Get laundry soaps
5. Make out Rent checks
6. Take down laundry and checks
7. Clean bathroom
8. Clean kitchen
9. Change sheets
10. Clean up surfaces in leaving room
11. Dust
12. Water
13. Label Boxes
14. Label Fabric
15. Add embelishments to green shrug (maybe black ribbon with green sweater ruffles??)
    
16. Fix bodice of 50's Dress
17. Map out yardage of 50's Dress
18. Make new pair of earings
19. Make new skully necklace
20. Make plans with friends
21. email the tribe about the quilt
    

Falling slowly Apart

So about the great decline.... I have been going home straight afterwork... "eating" crap, watching tv, not making anything and generally falling apart.

I litterally get home and can't decide on something to do... even the indulgent crap that isn't bad for me. For fuck's sake what is going on. I am loosing all my drive. My verve, my thing that makes me cool.

I don't know what it is. Depression, whatever. I just want to get lost in trashy pulp romance books I can't afford while eating take out I can't afford that will make me sick.

Talk about downward spiral. And for the love of god I don't want to hear any pollyanna sugguestions about books I should read or ways I should meditate. Which means two things. One that some folks don't get it. And two that I am a hypocrite, cause I pollyanna the fuck out of people all the time.


I need little goals. Little little goals. And I keep thinking a list will do it. And I need to get laid.

But let us fall back on the list

• Recon funky dress to vest
• Finish Pillow and make cover (idea, get big needle to stablize contents of pillow)
• Make costume
• Make bats
• Make lunchpail bag
• Make bodice out of strippy fabric
• Buy fusable webbing for fabric
• Buy Muslin/lining fabric
• Redo black ruffly skirt with new yolk that works with your ass.
• Finish writting up pattern and yardage stuff for strapless 50's Dress
• Redo dress on maniquin to have a better bustline
• Make a BIG petticoat for self... knee length. (figure out yardage for a 3 layer piece)
• Make stippy circle skirt out of knit material
• Make small grim reaper costume (make pattern then cloak)
  
• Make medium death costume (make pattern then cloak)
• Make gym bag (knee brace, work cloths, make-up, work shoes, hair stuff, soap, lock)
• Purge Closet

Starving

Slept like a fucking rock and now I am raveounous.

1 cup scrambled eggwhites
half cup tea
cup of coffe
cup of green tea
water
2 quiche squares... all before 11am.

Gonna ahve a salad for lunch
(baby greens, almonds, poppy dressing, chix, cheese)

Gonna work out and swim today - as soon as I get off bart

Gonna eat fish thiny, brussel spouts and sald for dinner.

Gonna make lunch before I go to bed - This means cookin up some salmon to go in it.

Self Realization

I have been stumped lately when it comes to making much needed cloths for myself. And for the longest time now I have been puzzled as to why. On the train this morning while sleeping through my stop I figured it out. I don't like my body right now. So to make cloths  right now wuold be the equivilent of shopping when I feel really REALLY blobby. Ewwww. Talk about self esteem bashing.

So I took that energy and made home-made pre-packaged food for myself this week. And I skipped the peanutbutter m&m's this morning. And I WILL GO TO THE GYM tonight after accupuncture. Even if it is for 15 fucking minutes.

The other thing is that I have to return to this  journaling business.

So far today I have had

half a bottle of water
half a cup of tea
one cup of coffee
about 2/3rds of a cup of scrambled egg whites
Med. Salad
1 square quiche
Leftover eggplant and green beans

Went to accupuncture
Biked to the Y
Got a new Y ID
Did 5 min hard on stair thingy
Dis 5 min med on bike
Did 100 reps on arms

on sucking

So I utterly sucked at getting anything done after work yesterday... I just feel so tired and my neck hurts like all get out. But the knee is better... slept in till 6:30.

And I REALLY REALLY REALLY want something sweet. With peanut butter and chocolate.

Time to get off my ass

So the YK has been off at school for almost 4 weeks now. I think it is time to get off my butt and work on me for a while... I am finding my personal state of disrepair getting in the way of having fun.

I have improved the apt.
I have improved my stock of things to take care of myself with. (hair, make-up).
I have also been eating crap.
I have also not gotten any exercise to speak of.



So here is my little list of to do things today...

1. Sort out Y membership
2. Make gym bag (knee brace, work cloths, make-up, work shoes, hair stuff, soap, lock)
   
3. Set alarm for 5:20 am
4. Go to bed at 9:30
5. Clean your room (put away shoes, make bed, dust, vacumm)
6. Work on Bawdy
7. Sort out laundry
8. Purge closet
9. Label boxes
   

Here is Wednesday's List

1. Go to movies with Nik
1. inglorious bastards, 7 cali
2. Dist. 9, 5:15,UA
2. Clean Bathroom
3. Make gym bag (knee brace, work cloths, make-up, work shoes, hair stuff, soap, lock)
   
4. Set alarm for 5:20 am
5. Go to bed at 9:30

Here is Thrusday's List

1. Make body double (pending finding a partner)
2. Vac House
   
3. Make gym bag (knee brace, work cloths, make-up, work shoes, hair stuff, soap, lock)
   
4. Set alarm for 5:20 am
5. Go to bed at 9:30

Today so far I have eaten
2 sm pkg of peanut butter m&m's
1 sm pkg of almonds
1 piece of quiche
1 big ass piece of coffee

I made the system my bitch (at least for a moment)

The YK got approved for a full ride for 1 year at fancy "get your head out of your ass kid" school in grass valley! Whooooo I am over the moon. Now I am just taking care of base details and pushing for a date.

After he is settled there will be pleanty of time for world domination.