Emotional fall out

Well fuck. So had a lovely mellow time with Soundguy last night. Stayed up way too late on a school night. Had lovely morning. Hmmm. Good times. But kissing someone good bye and then going to work was painful. It is not that I am in love with him. I don't know him well enough and my heart is a guarded beast. It is that I want to wake up with someone all the time, if not most days then at least half of them.

Having something I so powerfully want after such a period of deprivation is almost as painful as doing without. The contrast is such a harsh experience. Giving my actual loneliness a fine sharp edge.

The last thing I need is more sharp edges.

I am uncomfortable, and I am going to have to get okay with being in distress, if I am ever going to get the opportunity to have something more then isolation and sharp edges.

Change is fucking hard.