The part I hate about liking somebody. The part I wish I could cut out. The part I forgot. And I better get to the description before I start writing bad goth poetry.
When he is spontaneous and asks me to do stuff or invites me to stuff or asks to make plans I am elated. Way to thrilled by it... cause when he cancels I get so bummed. It is a real drag.
I do think it is a case of needing X amount of attention and affection and whatnot and not getting it. The thing is that I want it from/with someone I like. Not that isn't the waitress nice like... that other kind. Where I am just happy to be around them and hear weird stories about shirts and belt buckles.
FUCK FUCK FUCK. I need to grow up. And stop being so touchy. And adding weight to stuff in my own head. And quit being so fucking greedy.
I need to remember that being this uncomfortable is only temporary. That sleeping alone (again) is not the worst fate ever. That I will be wanted... and just because I am starved for it doesn't give me license to be a greedy rude selfish fucker.
If I need more it is my job to go out and get it. And so I will. Phew. And I will not make comparisons. And I will not settle. And I am a fucking amazing person. And just being alone does not negate that.
So I will let go of my anger. It is really just hurt and childishness anyhow. Poooh.
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