I should avoid caffine

always and forever I think.


Feeling anxious and twitchy and insecure. Should have made date with pet. Then I could just be all brainstormy. ACCCCKkkkkkk. Okay. Break this down to what it is and is not and don't fall into being some lame no-confindence freak.

So I am feeling needy and anxious and worried about being valued.

What questions does that break down to:
What needs did not get met last night?
Not enough attention
Not enough connection

And what needs did?
Some attention
some time
execution on creativity
smell + warmth

How can I change that in the future?

Get in better shape, have more endurace, don't plan bigger play on a school night. Plan my scenes out more.

Fuck how other people value me... I will value myself. Quick exercise. What are 10 things I appreciate about myself.

1. My imagination. It is excellent. Needs to be taken care of with healthy things, time and sleep.
2. My skin. I hate but I also love it. It delivers lots of great sensations. 
3. My enthusiasm. I always try my best to be fully "go".
4. My honesty about boring things. I need to be more honest. Make admission about honesty and lack of knowledge more often. No more "glossy" truths.
5. My bravery in the face of the ruin my body is. 
6. My vulnerabilty
7. That I will dance
8. My hands. I love my hands and all they do.
9. My brain. It is decent... I do all right.
10. My willingness to learn

They say confession is good for the soul. So fricking confess the following:

• I need sleep I am over tired and reacting in an immature way.
• I want to be adored.
• I want to be seen and in the seeing accepted with joy.
• I want the freedom to care about people.
• I want to endure being alone with grace.
• I am being self absorbed.
• I with I was more accepted without being less than myself
• I wish I was not so clumsy with people