I will get okay, nigh even enjoy the uncertainty re: sound guy (not to mention the rest of my life). Not knowing when we might see each other is going to have to be okay… well I guess it is kinda easier cause I know I only have to wait 6 days. F'ing six days. Good golly I am gonna crawl out of my skin. And I don't even know if I will get actual contact and wow am in a greedy phase. Well maybe not a phase. More like an ebb and flow things with my long standing and heretofore starved appetites.
Today's goals try not to get lost in daydreams.
Things not to forget from last night… tease more (he is good at it which was a nice lesson) Use different modes of communication… the thank you's were very nice. Games are good. Switch up more. Get a space heater… if god loves me there is one with a remote. I liked sleeping with him… just the touch was awesome.
In the emotional arena:
I don't feel panicy any more. Even if I was to be cut loose, it would be okay. I would be okay even if I wouldn't like it and would get a little sad. Maybe I am starting to believe just a little that I am lovely enough (as a human) to deserve good and lovely people… that is okay okay for me to want them and sometimes they will want me back. Less panic about my own wants needs and abilities. I just gotta remind myself that just because this is good that it will not be the last good thing to come my way… or that I am capable of hunting down if need be.
Email I am not sending includes an invitation to stop by my place on his way back south way late tonight. I am afraid of coming across as clingy even though I would be nice if only for the sweet cuddles and the possibility of am lovin'. Go self control.
Note to self: It might be nice if i didn't swear and curse so much.
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