No More Tea for Me

I was sooooooo ill this morning. I almost puked on the train.

All I had before I left the house was a lovely cup of strong black tea with milk. It was great. Ever so yummy. But before the train even hit McArthur I was acidy and by 12th street feeling all pukey. It was so so so gross.

Barely made it to the office ladies room before miles of acid and tea decided to show themselves again. Ewwww. Now I just don't feel like eating breakfast and besides a few tums, I think water is the way to go.

Blah. So so icky. The yummy yummy tea just wasn't worth it.

brunch 1 med. red apple
drank lots of water, was light headed
at more tums

Total Carbs 21
Fiber 3.7
Net Carbs 17.3
Fat 0.5
Protein 0.3
Calories 81

Lunch - Crispy Taco from chipotle - no sour cream very little salsa
small acid reaction, 3 tums, more water
Calories 769
Total Fat 44g
Total Carbohydrate 49g
Dietary Fiber 8g
Sugars 4g
Protein 43g

Dinner - KFC (I know super fatty fat fatterson but my feet hurt really bad and the drive through was right there and [insert lots of excuses here] Oh, and a handful of fresh blueberries

Total Carbs 134.1
Fiber 16
Net Carbs 111.7
Fat 202.2
Protein 190.3
Calories 1445.3

Those numbers such KFC is like eating a delicious cube of ass fat. That is so gross. What the hell are people thinking eating that every day?? blath

Todays totals and reflection

It should be noted that after getting home for the night I started drinking water and drank at least 4 large glass and was still thirsty when I went to be... but I am not super shocked after I looked up the sodium count at KFC . Just noting it to keep track and avoid a tragic limb melting death by diabetes.

Calories for the day: 2293.5
Carbs for the day: 177

Wow, as I read that I am pretty grossed out. That is not they way to love myself or the people in my life. All yesterday thoughts of (I am editing this post friday am) "just fuck it" and "just this once won't hurt" and "I deserve it, for all my hard work". Talk about two steps forward and one step back. Not nice at all.

Numbers aren't everything

I just gotta keep telling my self that. Because this morning the scale read 253.1

That means that I have hit the 20 lb. mark since I fist started this way back in September. I am cautiously optimistic that it is true... I am holding out any on a the happy dance until it reads that way for several days in a row.

Also I geeked all the hell out yesterday and mad a spreadsheet to calculate the value of what I am eating. If someone else wants it just email me.

B-fast ( was running late and got lazy) Odwalla Protien Shake
Total Carbs 50
Fiber 6
Net Carbs 44
Fat 12
Protein 20
Calories 380

Lunch - Lean Cuisine
Total Carbs 9
Fiber 1
Net Carbs 8
Fat 7
Protein 21
Calories 180

Now that I ate that... ever so sloooooooowly. I have a fun, very unfun acid belly and it sucks. I really really sucks.

Dinner - Pork Chops with massa crust and asparagus
Total Carbs 69.0
Fiber 10.3
Net Carbs 58.7
Fat 40.2
Protein 120.0
Calories 1143.0 (wholey fricking crap)

Total Calories for the day 1703

Carbs 110.7

255

Whoo Hoo. I don't care if the scale is just a bit off or not.

B-fast
2 eggs with green onions and asperagus
Total Carbs 5.5
Fiber 1.3
Net Carbs 4.2
Fat 10.1
Protein 25.8
Calories 324.0

Tea w/milk
acid reaction = moderate
took herbs, hour later still all acidy, took tums

Lunch
Salad with Baby dark greens, turkey and swiss with tangerine basalmic dressing
Total Carbs 27.8
Fiber 2.7
Net Carbs 25.1
Fat 19.2
Protein 42.7
Calories 560.5

Sinning
I had one diet soda. Dr. Pepper.

Dinner
sautéed carrots and summer squash with eggs and swiss cheese (oh and a few bites of steak)
Total Carbs 13.7
Fiber 3.4
Net Carbs 10.3
Fat 26.025
Protein 56.35
Calories 665

Todays Totals
Total Carbs 47
Fiber 7.45
Net Carbs 39.55
Fat 55.325
Protein 124.8
Calories 1549.5

I have been fooled by those marketing people

but wait. I am one of those marketing people. All that aside, I took a closer look at my less-than-loved cottage cheese container... Those numbers are for 2 servings - SOAB.

So my 140 calories is really 280 calories. grrrrr.

Anyhow lunch was a chipotle burrito bowl. I found the coolest site that give the breakdown for it. They had a nifty thing where I could grab the code, but the css broke when I tried to use it here.

bummer

Chipotle Nutrition Facts Serving Size: 1 Burrito Bol

Calories 479 Calories from Fat 191

% DV*

• Total Fat 21g
• Saturated Fat 8g
• Cholesterol 126mg
• Sodium 1156mg
• Total Carbohydrate 26g
• Dietary Fiber 7.5g
• Sugars 0g
• Protein 46g
• Vitamin A 102%
• Vitamin C 11%
• Calcium 21%
• Iron 2%

No Appetite

I have absolutely no interest in this oh-so-good-for-me cottage cheese.

bfast - 8oz cottage cheese
fat = 5g
carb = 3g
protein = 14g

The funny part is I know that if someone plunked down a crispy buttery almond croissant I could gobble them down (them - as in plural). But instead I am now gonna choke down this cottage cheese. yum.

I don't think much of you either

So interpersonal/professional relations.

As I sat here with my "let it go" mantra rolling in my head something occurred to me. That something being that:

I get the feeling that a number of people I work with don't think much of me or my skills.

That thought was followed by:

A. My sense of worth (personal and professional) should not depend on what others think.

B. When I counted off those folks in my head, it turns out I don't think much of them. I really don't. I find working with them difficult. I find their communication styles to be vague and non-committal. And frankly their recall less than sharp.

C. What the hell do I care what they think of me - I don't exactally hold them in high esteem and they are working for the same fricking Bstring team I do.

D. What does C (above) say about me? Professionally speaking?

I guess this is my professional food for thought today.

Also Lunch today is a lean cuisine.
Fat = 7g
Carb = 8g
Protein = 21g

irri-a-fucking-tated

bfast - 8oz cottage cheese
fat = 5g
carb = 3g
protein = 14g

4 oz of coffee

8 oz of green tea

Bitchy as all get out. Taking herbs. Woke up with acid belly.

Lunch was a lean cuisine

Dinner was half a chicken sandwich on whole wheat ciabatta. (too many carbs)

I am not going to care

I don't care
This doesn't matter
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care

This is an exercise of letting go. I feel I am getting way way mixed messages from my leadership. And I apparentally don't get to design anything and the rules are way undefined. And I am doing my best not to care.

I am over tiered from being sick. And I should not take this personally. I am not taking this as a professional criticque of my design abilities. And this sucks. I get to own nothing.

Grrrr.

I don't care
I don't care
I don't care

This job isn't doing anything for me. I will WILL update my portfolio this weekend. I will figure out how to go to night school or to school on-line.

catch up

So I have neglected logging things for the last bit. And this is my attempt at catching up.


Sunday
Was really tired most of the day and totally stuffed up. Took a nap

tea for b-fast
sinned with two pieces of buttered toast
dinner was some spinach and cheese ravioli
and I ate some of Hazzy's M'D's (a small fried and 4 chiken nuggets) Which I know are crap.

Saturday
Spent most of the day working with Nick on life planning things. Determined I sucked a my own financial planning. I was still really tired.

skipped bfast
biked at least an hour and a half mostly up hill
roasted turnips and a small amount of beef stew for dinner

Friday
Went to work. Wore unwise shoes.

yogurt for breakfast... I know way too carby fatty but I still have a ton of it
lean cuisine for lunch
egg drop soup for dinner


Thursday
I took a mental health day from work. My house was trashed and the other two humans who live here hadn't done crap. I was also just really really tired.

eggs for bfast
biked at least an hour
broccoli and some pasta for dinner

oh, and I did a lot of dishes and cleaned a buch

as only a thirteen year old girl can

That is how much I love Ira Glass and David Rackoff (not to mention Sarah Vowell and David Sadaris). I haven't been this type of fan since I was a thirteen year old girl. They are coming to Zellerbach Hall next month. Unfortunately they sold out two months ago. It is fairly pathetic the strategies I am working on to acquire ticket including skulking out side the theatre the night of the show.


I am not usually such a rabid fan. I thought I was gonna be ass out for a ticket but once again my friends have saved me. It turns out that the local public radio station was giving away tickets as a gift for pledging membership. So I shelled out my $175 bones (strung out over 7 months) and loe and behold I will be the proud owner of a ticket! Whooo Hooo. Thrilled just doesn't cover it.

Panic Attack - Follow up

This is a follow up to a previous post - Click Here

It turns out YK did take the $150 cash... he was playing with it. He didn't spend any of it. After his was done playing with it, he forgot to put it back on my dresser.

While I was super frustrated, I was pretty relieved, too.

I think it went beyond playing with the money though... beyond being irresponsible. I think it went to wanting to be a big man with his friends, etc. Not sure how to address it. I just need to clone myself I think.

Love and Food

I love food. I really really do. I like to make it, I adore, ADORE talking about it with other people who love it, I like to make it for other people. (btw, YK really liked the stroggie last night, which was a coup on my part as it is one of his signature dishes and he love it.) Eating is is good too, but really it is the tasting part I love, not as much as the consuming. That seems to come from some other place. Grree. Someday I want to love exercising too. Maybe not as much but with something close. And on that note I wrote my Dr. yesterday to get the paper work for the gym membership.

Log
Woke up acidy (see previous post) and I am totally starving.

Bfast - blueberry yogurt and some motrine (for the heal spur)
full on acid reaction though not the worst, still hungry

Eeeeek. This yogurt is totally fatty
size: 4oz
calories: 140
fat: 6g
carb: 19g (16 in sugars)
protien: 4g

Lunch is the Trader Joe's Chinese Chicken salad ( but I am gonna toss out the fried noodle bits... they just aren't worth it.) I am also gonna see if I can skim off some of the oil in the dressing and avoid it.

fatty fat faterson

I gotta cut down on all the dairy fat. It was so weird this morning, I was both hungry and hand upset acid belly. Couldn't even make a dent in my morning tea. Though I am giving myself a gold star for coming to work and making a pitcher of tea for iced tea this afternoon.

One Diet Coke (can not bottle)

Diner Tuesday Night
Beef Stroganoff
Acid reaction - 3 tums
Tylenol pm and to sleep by 10 pm

The child was unconsolable

YK did skip school yesterday and apparentally dodged his brother and didn't answer the phone. So as of 5pm he was MIA and when I did find him he needed miles of energy and attention and and AND. phew. I am exhausted just talking about it.

Between that and the fact both YK and OK are flipping slobs I am feeling the need to impose some control... foolish I know. But visions of lists and chore wheels are dancing in my head.

Today will be better.

Food wise

b-fast was 1/2 cup granola with whole milk.
way severe acid reaction... not to the point of being ill, but close. We won't be eating that again, which is a bummer as it was yummy.

Lunch today is a ceasar salad with boneless skinless chicken sans crutons.

Rex Passed Away

So it s a bit stress full this morning when we discovered Rex had passed away in the night. Rex is a chinese water dragon. Yesterday I had cleaned his eyes and we thought he was doing better but this morning he was gone. Hazzy was very upset. But he had gotten up on time and had instructions to go to school. But I still got a call from Mrs. Shaaf that he wasn't there. Grrrrr. I would have let him stay home today if he hadn't missed so much class lately. But it is really really getting out of hand. I quite frankly don't know what to.


Food wise:

Had egg sandwich this morning. And tried some diet iced green tea... but it tasted like crap so I don't think I will be finishing it. I will try to make my own.
Slight acid reaction from b-fast

Lunch is a chinese chicken salad

Dinner I am not sure about yet.
New:
Dinner turned out to be about 8 pot stickers (japanese style with the thin wrappers) with spicy sauce... Yummy. No acid reaction.
I did make some very dark chocolate fudge, light on the sugar last night for hazzy. I only had a 2 inch piece ( about 1/8th inch thick )but ended up all acidy unhappy and took 3 tums at about 10pm.
Oh, also dosed with tylenol pm

Last weekend

Sunday

Ran around too much and was laid out of the afternoon. Very ouchy left foot.

Forgot b-fast
Had acid reaction on empty stomach (gross)

Ate some ravi for lunch around 2:30

Leftover ravi for dinner at around 7:00

two diet, hansons natural sodas

Saturday was okay

bfast was eggwhites and a bucket of tea
no acid reaction

Biked to berkeley bowl and back
and that was okay

Made a roasted veggie salad....

Had a few spinach Ravioli for lunch about 3 or so.
slight acid reation

Nibbled at the party for dinner, Didn't have any bread at all. Only ate about 3 tbl. of homemade chocolate ice cream for desert. 2 glasses of champ.
Did the herbs before I started to graze.
very light acid reaction



Roast Veggie Salad

Two parsnips cut in sticks
two carrots cut in sticks
10 med. shitake mushrooms quartered
handful of fingerling potatoes - halved
two bunches of asparagus cut 1 in bits
3 bunches of green onions cut in 3 in lengths- halved
handfull of dried cranberries
5 or 6 cloves of garlic roasted soft (separately)
lemon thyme
fresh rosemary
big bunch of cilantro
1 limes
dash of rice wine vinegar

Tossed parsnips, carrots, onions, mushrooms, cranberries and potatoes with a bit of olive oil and rosemary, sea salt and a dash of pepper. Roasted on low 275º ish, for 40 min. Stirred, roasted another 20 min on 450º. Added asparagus roast for another 5 min.

In a large bowl juice the limes, add chopped chilantro, rice white vinagar, and rough chopped thyme. Stir. Pour half over pan of roasted veggies and toss. Next transfer it all in to the big bowl. Tossing to distribute fresh green evenly. Salt to taste. Cover as air tight as you can get it and let stand (and steam) room temp for 20 min. Eat.

people just don't think things through

what the hell.

Task - Develop an icon that can be used on sales sheets, presentations and various other marketing materials.

Logical step - run a test on of your design(s) on those materials for compatibility.

Did the primary designer (who is paid much much more than I) do so? Did the client actually indicate what the icon would be used on?


Fuck no.


-----

I hate my job

This weeks food logs

Friday
bfast: Protein shake and coffee - acid reaction ( perhaps will have to start giving up the coffee)
lunch: grilled salmon with brown rice, seaweed salad
dinner: thai noodles with fresh vegies and chicken in spicy thai broth, two glasses of wine
notes:
Thursday
bfast: eggs sandwich with roasty veggies (my one bread of the week so far, and I am going to really try to hold tight.)
lunch: two pot stickers, two geoza
dinner: leftover panang curry with rice, 1 soda ( and I am working really hard at this
notes:
Wednesday
bfast: egg whites with tea
lunch: Caesar salad sans croutons
dinner: homemade panang curry, with chicken (boneless/skinless) and tons of veggies served with coconut rice
notes:
Tuesday
bfast: tea, oatmeal, coffee
lunch: Caesar salad sans croutons
dinner: pot stickers and veggies
notes:
Monday
bfast: egg whites with tea
lunch: salad with dark greens, dried cranberries and walnuts
dinner: green chili enchiladas
notes: yogurt

Monday... well so far

Had scrambled egg whites for b-fast with tea
remembered herbs

sipped (okay slammed) a protein shake around 9:30 am
Feel too full now.

Remembered to buy water

Brought a salad to work with me.

Sunday

Couldn't sleep saturday night... finally dropped off right before 6 am... So I slept till noon.


Forgot breakfast

Forgot lunch

Did the what felt like a marathon trek to Trader Joe's in El Cerrito on foot and on BART. I would say I walked for about 3 hours straight... it was a mad house.

Got home

Ate some fettacini remembered herbs (this was 5ish)

Made chicken enchaladas for dinner (this was 8:30 ish)
Forgot herbs

Did a really good job of setting my self up for a good week though.

panic attack

Shortness of breath

The feeling that you can't stop moving

heart pounding way like it is gonna explode out your chest


Good times.


I either lost $150 dollars in cash or worse, my 11 year old son stole it. Either way I have rummaged through my cloths, my room, the place I thought I put it and my only lifeline for it not being stolen is I either lost it... and I am not sure how or I put it in the pocket of my jacket that I left hanging at work. Which I really hope I didn't do as it could have easily fallen out on my way to work yesterday.

Either option has left me with some pretty freaky feelings. During said attack I realized that I hadn't eaten today and it was after 2pm, so I ate 2 casadesa's (corn tortillas) and a bowl of rice cereal and most of it has stopped... all I have now is a heartburny feeling and a headache.

The YK's (Younger Kid - 11) brother has gone to fetch him from the game place... He was playing the draft today from 11am till 4 in a Magic tournament with a buddy. We will be able to know if it was him by the fact he is a crap criminal and he will have ill gotten gains with him if it is so. I really REALLY hope not. While recovering some of the cash will help a lot (it was bill money) it just means I have a much much bigger problem with my son. He hasn't been easy to parent by any means, but I though things were getting better. I really did. I hope they are. Now it is just waiting.

On an up note, after writing a candid note to OK (older kid - 18) about contributing to the house hold cleanliness I actually came home and clean up a bunch... it makes me hopeful.

So my food logging sucks because I have been eating things I am not supposed to.

Let see what I remember from friday

tea in the am with oatmeal and herbs

salmon teriaki and white rice, 3 pieces of california roll, 1 diet dr pepper
herbs when I got back to the office

bowl of stew with bread and butter, 1/2 a diet soda
no herbs till an hour later

second dinner about 9:30ish was past with cheese
no herbs

Thursday, in no particular order

i ice cream cookie sandwich

bowl of stew, with 3 pieces of bread

2 diet soads

no exercises

Wed

at least 2 ice creams and diet soda and god knows what else

back at the coal mines

Ate b-fast..

protein shake and a oatmeal... had raw sugar in it but not a lot. Cup of tea.
Minor acid reaction.. ate tums

mood: little down
energy: tired