panic attack

Shortness of breath

The feeling that you can't stop moving

heart pounding way like it is gonna explode out your chest


Good times.


I either lost $150 dollars in cash or worse, my 11 year old son stole it. Either way I have rummaged through my cloths, my room, the place I thought I put it and my only lifeline for it not being stolen is I either lost it... and I am not sure how or I put it in the pocket of my jacket that I left hanging at work. Which I really hope I didn't do as it could have easily fallen out on my way to work yesterday.

Either option has left me with some pretty freaky feelings. During said attack I realized that I hadn't eaten today and it was after 2pm, so I ate 2 casadesa's (corn tortillas) and a bowl of rice cereal and most of it has stopped... all I have now is a heartburny feeling and a headache.

The YK's (Younger Kid - 11) brother has gone to fetch him from the game place... He was playing the draft today from 11am till 4 in a Magic tournament with a buddy. We will be able to know if it was him by the fact he is a crap criminal and he will have ill gotten gains with him if it is so. I really REALLY hope not. While recovering some of the cash will help a lot (it was bill money) it just means I have a much much bigger problem with my son. He hasn't been easy to parent by any means, but I though things were getting better. I really did. I hope they are. Now it is just waiting.

On an up note, after writing a candid note to OK (older kid - 18) about contributing to the house hold cleanliness I actually came home and clean up a bunch... it makes me hopeful.

So my food logging sucks because I have been eating things I am not supposed to.

Let see what I remember from friday

tea in the am with oatmeal and herbs

salmon teriaki and white rice, 3 pieces of california roll, 1 diet dr pepper
herbs when I got back to the office

bowl of stew with bread and butter, 1/2 a diet soda
no herbs till an hour later

second dinner about 9:30ish was past with cheese
no herbs

Thursday, in no particular order

i ice cream cookie sandwich

bowl of stew, with 3 pieces of bread

2 diet soads

no exercises

Wed

at least 2 ice creams and diet soda and god knows what else